Sharing the Communion

I was serving communion one Sunday. The communion was by serving a piece of bread and a small cup of grape juice. Each parishioner falls in line to receive the eucharist. However, some mothers carrying an infant and the elderly who could not walk remain in their seat and wait to be served. So after serving communion to those able to fall in line, I started walking towards those who remain seated. I first offered to a 90 year very old man who I believe could not even swallow his saliva as I can see him salivating. He took a very small piece of bread, ate it and swallowed it fast. He then took the small cup, and with some difficulty, sipped just a little that it was still more than half full. Usually, after drinking the cup, they just hold on to it or put it in the back of pews. But I was surprised when the old man returned the small cup, still with his saliva lining the rim of the cup, back in my serving plate . Then I moved to the next person, a sophisticated young woman holding a baby. This lady was known for being so fussy. Anyway, she also took a very small piece of bread and ate it with style and poise. Then she took the small cup and drank all of it. Before she could finish the cup I realized that it was the same small cup that the old man had put back in my plate. Oh no! I said to myself... I don't know if I would laugh, or feel bad, or what... It was too late now...

Friday Nights

It's Friday night. Sabbath day for most of us. I mean, it's rest and recreation day. The Div school is encouraging students to go to the State Fair. My friend is having a pizza dinner at his place. There's an opening party at the Dillo patio. Where did I go? To the Dillo Patio. Everybody else went as a group to those other activities but I went alone to the Dillo Patio. Why? Well, the state fair requires one to buy a ticket to be able to enter the fair. I don't have the money to buy a ticket, so can't go there. The dinner was supposed to be a potluck or bring a donation (monetary or food). Again, I don't have money and I don't have any food to bring, so can't go there. The Dillo? They were having a grand opening and so food was free. Now, that's something I can do. Just show up and have free food. The free food lasted only till 8pm so that's a plus for me. That means, I won't have to stay late. See, not everything is bad. God's grace is always abundant. God always has better plans for me... a free dinner and an extra time to relax... that's my kind of Friday night.

International Luncheon Meet

All the international students in the Divinity School and the Religion Department gathered for a fellowship lunch today. I was hoping that it would be an organizational meeting for an international students group but no one raised it. However, we had a great time just meeting new friends, having fellowship with each other and learning more from each other. Some of the students voiced out their concerns, problems and joys since we came in here. I was particularly touched by Beth's testimony on her struggle to reach out and help other international students without offending them. I understand how difficult it is to try to help someone without sounding so invasive and demeaning to the other person. I could also relate to Sam's story about delayed scholarships. It has always and is continuously happening to me. Like for me, I have been expecting since last month that my Methodist scholarship will arrive but have not even until now. So, basically students like us who rely on scholarship for our daily expenses have no money to buy food. I don't know how I am able to survive this situation for the last two months, I think only by God's grace. But I guess it was Judy's words that best say how international students feel alienated here. It also describes how lonely it could be for international students to be away from home. She said, "it is not in being by myself in my room that I feel lonely, actually that is where I find solace... but it is being amongst all the other students here in the school that i feel most alone."

Fall Break

It's Fall break.

There's nothing to do. There' no one around. There's no one to talk to. There's no where to go.

It gets pretty boring really if everybody leaves for home but you get to stay. That's my life in the seminary. I would have loved to go to the homecoming ball games. Duke is playing Virginia Tech (doesn't matter if they win, we watch for fun). Again the weekend would also be a nice time to go to the Carolina Fair in Raleigh just to have fun. But you cannot have fun doing activites that are supposed to be enjoyed as a group. So, I'm stuck here in my room... reading and writing... and reading and writing again... Sigh.......

Paper Back

I got my paper back and I got good grades. I guess that means I was right. She just wanted us to write better. I hope I can continue to improve my writing and in proving my arguments. So fall break is coming, and I hope to write better papers for the next half of the semester.

Looking for Home

I have been stressed out for the past weeks trying to look for a new palce to live. I have been looking for a new apartment, searching the web, driving around town, asking friends, looking at the newspaper ads even in the billboards. But what is more challenging is to look for a place that fits within my budget of $350 (I know this is almost next to impossible) and loaded enough with the basic amenities. But I was actually hoping that somebody would be touched by God to offer their extra rooms or basements for us to use or rent for a cheaper price. I am planning to have my family stay with me so I really need to find a place where we could live together without disturbing other people - I mean without living with other people. Having a family with some hyperactive toddlers could not be so attractive to some folks. So I don't want to trouble anybody with that. I just hope I could get a private place (however small it might be) for us to live in. I pray and trust God that God will see me through this.

Away From Home

Dr. H, my professor, shared his story as a student being away from home. In this University, everyone seems to think that being homesick is not too great deal of a problem. Of course they don't! Almost all, if not all, can get home whenever they want. The elite or "rich kids" in this University are visited by their parents over the weekend by flying in a chopper. Yes, a chopper! The not so elite go home once or twice in a month by flying back home. My classmate does that. And almost everybody gets to see their parents during the family weekend visits or at midsemestral breaks. But not for me. I only get to see my family at the end of the semester. I am still lucky, says my professor. He got to see his family after the schoolyear. His other classmate got to see his family only after they graduated. Being away from home may be taken for granted by others because they don't think getting homesick affects your student life. But it does. Sometimes it just makes you want to quit school and go home. But being away from home is a reality, as Dr. H says, you either deal with it or it will deal with you.

Food Shortage

It's Monday. I don't have a class so my classmates and I won't have our daily lunch together.It's almost the end of the month. My stipend has not arrived yet. I have no money to buy food. I have no food to cook in the freezer. I am hungry. I have no food to eat... but I am not fazed. This has been happening to me since my first year. Yet I trust in God that God will provide for me. If God provides for those little birds, how much more for us humans created in God's image. The Int'l Fellowship offers free lunch, as long as you sign up for their Bible studies. In the afternoon, there is free vegetarian dinner, as long as you are willing to listen about Krishna. There is free food everywhere. Sometimes, extra foods from conferences and meetings find their way in the student kitchen. I just need to stand by there as free food always disappears within minutes. It may sound pitiful for a seminary student to be in food shortage. But I guess, it's just part of the training of a clergy-to-be... after all, the same problem of food shortage will happen when I become a clergy.

Papers

I got my first paper back. My grade wasn't what I expected. It was not an A but I wasn't even expecting an A. I think my preceptor is too harsh or too strict. I hope so. I hope it has nothing to do with me being an Asian. My other Asian friend got a grade below B. So you can't blame me if I think discrimination may play a part. I just had this bad experience last semester, so don't blame me. So, I hope not since we are also in seminary. We are supposed to be a loving and all-inclusive community. I asked my other group mate who was white and I would say one of the brightest in the class. He also did not get an A. So I just hope that this is a case of the "first paper scare," where preceptors would give low grades to encourage students to write better and aim for excellence in their writing. However, there is that sense that the preceptor may be power playing us. You always get the feeling that this doctoral students want to assert their superiority over us masteral students. But since my preceptor is a graduating doctoral student and is not even in divinity school, I can always give my preceptor the benefit of a doubt. Besides, my preceptor is one of the most promising student in my "preceptors" field of interest. Although my preceptor's critic in my paper was excellent, I could always argue that I could have received a higher grade. Ha! Who says seminary is not stressful?

Second Year

I am on my second year in seminary. I am still alone and away from my family. What does it take for me to follow God's will? Do I really need to suffer this much? No one knows in the secular world how difficult it is for seminarians to be away from home to study. They think going to seminary is just like going to school. It needs sacrifice. It may mean you have to cut worktime and yet spend more. It may mean you have to quit a job and shift carrers. It may mean to be away from your family. For me, I have to suffer all three. And I am in my second year of such experiences. Only God knows my suferring. And God keeps me and sustains me.