Diary of a Clergy-to-be

The Last Entry

2011-10-12T00:10:00.000-07:00

The last entry in the journey of a clergy-to-be is when one becomes a full pledged elder. That happened to me last July 2011. Months before the scheduled annual conference, I submitted my letter of application to the Board of Ordained Ministry. I have already finished my theological papers years ago and so I was just patiently waiting for the Board to affirm my calling. This year is the year when I satisfy all the requirements set forth by the Book of Discipline. If the Board finds me fit and able to perform the duties and responsibilities of an elder then they would affirm my calling to be a set-apart as a servant-leader in the United Methodist Church.

On the Way

2011-10-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

After I graduated from seminary, I went into residency training as a family and community physician. This is to further prepare myself into the ministry as a missionary doctor. One of the activities I have regularly done, at the prodding of my co-workers is the weekly Bible Study in our office. They use to have a Bible study and they wanted me to revive it. I follow the Lectionary for the following Sunday as the basis of our discussion and reflection.

The Bible study is a mixture of failure and successes. Of course, it is always difficult to have a religious activity inserted in a very secular and busy workplace. But we manage to have very productive discussions that bless us every week. However, there are times when we have to postpone because of several reasons. But we are now on our second year of Bible Study. I pray that this little activity in the Ospital ng Maynila be a blessing to the all the people in the place.

Graduating from Seminary

2009-09-26T04:41:00.000-07:00

Last May 9, 2009 was my graduation from Seminary.

Of course the Divinity School had their own graduation ceremony. The next day was the University Graduation with Oprah as the speaker. i am tempted to talk about many stuff here. But I would like to note a few of the most important memories that I cherish.

My father came for my graduation. It was his first time at Duke. I wish my mom was also able to come but she was sick thus she could not travel.

I had gained so many friends during my stint here at Duke. These friends knew that I was going back home and maybe this was our last day to see each other physically. So I was thrilled when they wanted to capture our friendship with photo-ops after the grad ceremony.

My family here in the US also came in full force. My Uncles and Aunties and cousins and distant relatives came all the way from Virginia just to join me in my celebration. I was so touched by their show of support.

I just had some regrets for not being able to have taken good pictures with my dad, my friends, my family and even with myself. I just forgot all about that with my emotions so high during that day.

But the most thing that I remember that day was the anxiety of moving forward in the ministry. I was supposed to have learned all the necessary tools that I need theologically and mentally. I am a graduate of the seminary and I am supposed to have completed the requirements for the ministry. Tools that I will need. But did I have all the necessary things that I need to survive and be efficient in the ministry? Graduating from seminary is not a guarantee of anything. But I know that God is and will be with me. That is the best tool that I know in my heart will get me ready. This is the speech that Oprah did not give to us during graduation. But I learned this from seminary and more.

So, thank you all. I pray that many will help me as I continue my journey as a clergy-to-be.

Araw ng Kalayaan 09

2009-06-12T07:30:00.000-07:00

Ginagalang ko na Dr. Jose,

Ngayon po ay araw ng paggunita ng kalayaan ng bansa nating minamahal mula sa mga kamay ng mga mananakop na banyaga. Ngunit ang kalayaang inyong hinahangad at pinagbuwisan ng buhay ay hindi pa rin lubos na tinatamasa. Ang bayan po natin ay bihag pa rin ng malubhang karamdaman na sumisira sa kalusugan ng ating bayan. Bilang isang doktor, inyo pong nakita ang kanser ng lipunan na sumisira sa ating lipunan upang maging tunay na malaya. Isang kanser na unti-unting na ngumingitngit sa katawan ng bayan upang sirain at gawing bulok ang kanyang laman. Ikinalulungkot ko pong sabihin na ang kanser na inyong pilit na pinagaling at pinagbuwisan ng buhay ay bumabalik at lalong lumalala. Higit pa rito, ang kanser ay nag-ibang anyo ngunit siya pa ring dahilan nang karamdaman ng ating bayan. Ang kanser po ng lipunan ngayon ay hindi lamang tagos hanggang buto kundi pati kaluluwa. Ang karamdaman ng lipunan ay nagmumula sa isang maling moralidad na nananahan sa karamihan ng mamamayan. Ang mga lider ng lipunan ay hindi na maaasahan. Mangilan-ngilan na lamang ang tuwid ang katayuan. Karamihan ay baluktot ang kanilang pamamaraan. Ang higit pa dito ay ang moralidad din ng taong bayan. Tila ba kami ay nasanay na sa baluktot at maling moralidad na bumabalot sa ating bayan na amin na itong pinababayaan. Ang hindi namin pakikialam at ang kawalan ng kagustuhan na labanan ang sakit at sirang moralidad ng bayan ang lalo pang nagpapakalat sa kanser ng lipunan. Dahil po dito ay hindi pa rin ganap na malaya ang ating bayan. Kailangan po naming ipagpatuloy ang paglaban sa kanser ng lipunan bago maging malubha ang kanyang karamdaman. Kailangan pa po naming ituloy ang inyong sinimulan upang ang ating bayan ay maging tunay na malaya sa kanser ng lipunan.

Jesus has bobo...

2009-04-10T06:15:00.000-07:00

It's Holy Week. And we are trying to tell our 2 years old daughter what it is all about. Her mother told her about how Jesus came in a parade on Palm Sunday but that later some "not good" people took him and put him in "timeout." It becomes tricky because she gets "timeout" when she does something not nice to make us upset, but Jesus did not do anything "not nice." It confuses her how Jesus got "timeout." Then the "not good" people hurt Jesus and put him in the cross. With a sad look in her face, she replied, "Oh, Jesus has bobo."
Now, it's only Good Friday. We still have to tell her the story of Jesus's death and resurrection on Easter. That will be a challenge...

Friday Fellowships

2009-02-16T21:07:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, during our fellowships, one of our friends celebrated his birthday. It was a very significant moment. Birthdays are usually spent with your family. But because Haejin, our firned, was another international student, he did not have any family here. Not really. We are his family here in seminary. So he celebrated his birthday with his family. In a place where you are away from home. Seminary students can define what a Christian family looks like. In the celebration of Haejin's birthday, we also celebrated the blessing of God for us to embody the Christian family.

Troubling...

2009-01-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

I was a little troubled this afternoon after I read in a Filipino Methodist blog a question from a Filipino pastor about baptism. I was not troubled by the discussion nor by the content of the question. The question, what is thhe Methodist belief in baptism, is a valid question. But for this question to be asked by a pastor, someone who leads a church and guides the faith of his congregants is a little troubling. How can a pastor (much more if he/she is ordained elder) not have any clue about Methodist belief on baptism? Are these the kind of church leaders we have? Then what kind of christian followers (who are guided by the pastor) do we have? I hope the laity know better than the pastor. But this is not to blame the pastor. This is to question the church, the church structure, the District COM, the Conference BOOM, and everybody responsible for affirming and ordaining a person to be a pastor who may not yet be fully ready and equipped. We must consider this. Pastoral ministry is not a job or occupation. It is not to be taken for granted. That is why, we must take courage to educate our pastors for us to have quality church leaders.

"You don't need a cross..."

2009-01-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, when the children came in for Children's church, they were so proud to show me the cross necklaces they got as gifts. One of my students, Kayla who is 5, came to me and said, "Look, Pastor Neki, (holding her cross pendant) I have a blue necklace. This cross shows I am a Christian. The cross is Jesus so I have Jesus with me always... (she paused for a moment) But you don't need a cross to have Jesus with you. Jesus is always with us." She explained. I was amazed how a 5 year old can articulate so clearly the presence of us always. Immanuel - God is with us. Always. With or without a cross necklace.

Preaching

2009-01-16T20:34:00.000-08:00

I preached last Sunday in my field ed church. My pastor have to be out of town to attend to some important matters so I have to do everything on both services. It has been a while since I prepared a sermon. When my pastor said that I have to preach on both services, it was already on a Friday. So I either have to prepare a new sermon or I have to recycle an old one.
Because I already took preaching classes, I should know better. The sermon is the word of God for the people. Although it is a discipline to write and prepare a sermon what is more important was to speak to the particularities of the congregation. Thus, in a sense even a recycled sermon being God's word have to address and speak to the congregation.
And so I went to the library after my Hebrew class and prayed hard for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I prayed so hard that I fell asleep. But when God is at work, nothing is impossible. And so I was not troubled even if it was already Saturday morning and I have only done the exegetical part. From there on, the Holy Spirit just guided my hand to write God's word to the people. And yes, the Holy Spirit also works overtime so I had to stay up late to finish the sermon for Sunday. But everything is well. Without the guidance of the God, the almost one year of not writing a sermon could have taken a toll on me.

Fitting In

2008-09-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

There is something difficult in trying to fit in. The question is do you try to be one of the corw, or should I stand out of the crowd? Now there is too much to say what it means to stand out of the crowd. It could mean you are excellent or it could mean you are despicable.
In my case, I standout because I am a minority in an Anglo church. It does not mean that this is an automatic case of racial discrimination. No! But it does mean an automatic case of difference - not only physically but more on a cultural manner. As I intern as a pastor in an Anglo church, I bring with me unique pastoral characters that was shaped by my culture. This pastoral character may be different from the churches' culture. They may find it good or bad. They may be blessed by it or not. Which leads me to the question, should I try to fit in or not?

Reflection Group

2008-07-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

We had our monthly reflection group meeting last week, July 9 at Duck UMC, NC. Duck was a nice place with the beach in view and some historic spots like the Wright Borthers museum in Kill Devil, it was a perfect toursit spot. I started appreciating the good side of having to drive an hour or so just to meet with my shoolmates and friends and reflect upon our experiences in the ministry. You get to go places and you get to see beautiful spots. More than that I found it very helpful to have a group of friends that you can share your experiences with. It refreshes me to hear stories, reflections and insights about serving in God's vineyard especially knowing that these people also share the same experiences that I have. I could only hope that these kind of reflection groups would translate into covenant groups when we all become ordained clergy in the near future, that we may have a venue to old each other and grow together as we serve our Lord.

Living as a Community

2008-03-10T20:04:00.001-07:00

November 24, 2007

I moved to an apartment in Bedford Street. The apartment is a 3 bedroom unit and I would be sharing it with Daniel and Inseo, my classmates in the seminary. I have no trouble living in an apartment with other people since I lived most of my college and med life with my classmates. What's interesting with this new setting is I would be living with two other people with cultural backgrounds totally different from mine. What is more interesting is that we would be living with our families together.

Yes, my family would be with me. They came here early Novemeber and that is one of the reasons I had to move out from my host family. I had to find a place for me and my family. God is so gracious in using my friends who readily offered their place so I can have a place where my family can also stay.

This set-up would work. Financially, it is cheap enough that I can afford it. The location is close enough to Duke. The place is safe and secure enough. Plus I would be blessed knowing I am living with my family. And when I say family, it's not just my wife and daughter, but that I would be livng with my Christian brothers and sister.

Sharing the Communion

2007-10-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

I was serving communion one Sunday. The communion was by serving a piece of bread and a small cup of grape juice. Each parishioner falls in line to receive the eucharist. However, some mothers carrying an infant and the elderly who could not walk remain in their seat and wait to be served. So after serving communion to those able to fall in line, I started walking towards those who remain seated. I first offered to a 90 year very old man who I believe could not even swallow his saliva as I can see him salivating. He took a very small piece of bread, ate it and swallowed it fast. He then took the small cup, and with some difficulty, sipped just a little that it was still more than half full. Usually, after drinking the cup, they just hold on to it or put it in the back of pews. But I was surprised when the old man returned the small cup, still with his saliva lining the rim of the cup, back in my serving plate . Then I moved to the next person, a sophisticated young woman holding a baby. This lady was known for being so fussy. Anyway, she also took a very small piece of bread and ate it with style and poise. Then she took the small cup and drank all of it. Before she could finish the cup I realized that it was the same small cup that the old man had put back in my plate. Oh no! I said to myself... I don't know if I would laugh, or feel bad, or what... It was too late now...

Friday Nights

2007-10-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

It's Friday night. Sabbath day for most of us. I mean, it's rest and recreation day. The Div school is encouraging students to go to the State Fair. My friend is having a pizza dinner at his place. There's an opening party at the Dillo patio. Where did I go? To the Dillo Patio. Everybody else went as a group to those other activities but I went alone to the Dillo Patio. Why? Well, the state fair requires one to buy a ticket to be able to enter the fair. I don't have the money to buy a ticket, so can't go there. The dinner was supposed to be a potluck or bring a donation (monetary or food). Again, I don't have money and I don't have any food to bring, so can't go there. The Dillo? They were having a grand opening and so food was free. Now, that's something I can do. Just show up and have free food. The free food lasted only till 8pm so that's a plus for me. That means, I won't have to stay late. See, not everything is bad. God's grace is always abundant. God always has better plans for me... a free dinner and an extra time to relax... that's my kind of Friday night.

International Luncheon Meet

2007-10-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

All the international students in the Divinity School and the Religion Department gathered for a fellowship lunch today. I was hoping that it would be an organizational meeting for an international students group but no one raised it. However, we had a great time just meeting new friends, having fellowship with each other and learning more from each other. Some of the students voiced out their concerns, problems and joys since we came in here. I was particularly touched by Beth's testimony on her struggle to reach out and help other international students without offending them. I understand how difficult it is to try to help someone without sounding so invasive and demeaning to the other person. I could also relate to Sam's story about delayed scholarships. It has always and is continuously happening to me. Like for me, I have been expecting since last month that my Methodist scholarship will arrive but have not even until now. So, basically students like us who rely on scholarship for our daily expenses have no money to buy food. I don't know how I am able to survive this situation for the last two months, I think only by God's grace. But I guess it was Judy's words that best say how international students feel alienated here. It also describes how lonely it could be for international students to be away from home. She said, "it is not in being by myself in my room that I feel lonely, actually that is where I find solace... but it is being amongst all the other students here in the school that i feel most alone."

Fall Break

2007-10-13T13:55:00.000-07:00

It's Fall break.

There's nothing to do. There' no one around. There's no one to talk to. There's no where to go.

It gets pretty boring really if everybody leaves for home but you get to stay. That's my life in the seminary. I would have loved to go to the homecoming ball games. Duke is playing Virginia Tech (doesn't matter if they win, we watch for fun). Again the weekend would also be a nice time to go to the Carolina Fair in Raleigh just to have fun. But you cannot have fun doing activites that are supposed to be enjoyed as a group. So, I'm stuck here in my room... reading and writing... and reading and writing again... Sigh.......

Paper Back

2007-10-05T23:51:00.000-07:00

I got my paper back and I got good grades. I guess that means I was right. She just wanted us to write better. I hope I can continue to improve my writing and in proving my arguments. So fall break is coming, and I hope to write better papers for the next half of the semester.

Looking for Home

2007-10-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have been stressed out for the past weeks trying to look for a new palce to live. I have been looking for a new apartment, searching the web, driving around town, asking friends, looking at the newspaper ads even in the billboards. But what is more challenging is to look for a place that fits within my budget of $350 (I know this is almost next to impossible) and loaded enough with the basic amenities. But I was actually hoping that somebody would be touched by God to offer their extra rooms or basements for us to use or rent for a cheaper price. I am planning to have my family stay with me so I really need to find a place where we could live together without disturbing other people - I mean without living with other people. Having a family with some hyperactive toddlers could not be so attractive to some folks. So I don't want to trouble anybody with that. I just hope I could get a private place (however small it might be) for us to live in. I pray and trust God that God will see me through this.

Away From Home

2007-09-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

Dr. H, my professor, shared his story as a student being away from home. In this University, everyone seems to think that being homesick is not too great deal of a problem. Of course they don't! Almost all, if not all, can get home whenever they want. The elite or "rich kids" in this University are visited by their parents over the weekend by flying in a chopper. Yes, a chopper! The not so elite go home once or twice in a month by flying back home. My classmate does that. And almost everybody gets to see their parents during the family weekend visits or at midsemestral breaks. But not for me. I only get to see my family at the end of the semester. I am still lucky, says my professor. He got to see his family after the schoolyear. His other classmate got to see his family only after they graduated. Being away from home may be taken for granted by others because they don't think getting homesick affects your student life. But it does. Sometimes it just makes you want to quit school and go home. But being away from home is a reality, as Dr. H says, you either deal with it or it will deal with you.

Food Shortage

2007-09-24T10:54:00.001-07:00

It's Monday. I don't have a class so my classmates and I won't have our daily lunch together.It's almost the end of the month. My stipend has not arrived yet. I have no money to buy food. I have no food to cook in the freezer. I am hungry. I have no food to eat... but I am not fazed. This has been happening to me since my first year. Yet I trust in God that God will provide for me. If God provides for those little birds, how much more for us humans created in God's image. The Int'l Fellowship offers free lunch, as long as you sign up for their Bible studies. In the afternoon, there is free vegetarian dinner, as long as you are willing to listen about Krishna. There is free food everywhere. Sometimes, extra foods from conferences and meetings find their way in the student kitchen. I just need to stand by there as free food always disappears within minutes. It may sound pitiful for a seminary student to be in food shortage. But I guess, it's just part of the training of a clergy-to-be... after all, the same problem of food shortage will happen when I become a clergy.

Papers

2007-09-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

I got my first paper back. My grade wasn't what I expected. It was not an A but I wasn't even expecting an A. I think my preceptor is too harsh or too strict. I hope so. I hope it has nothing to do with me being an Asian. My other Asian friend got a grade below B. So you can't blame me if I think discrimination may play a part. I just had this bad experience last semester, so don't blame me. So, I hope not since we are also in seminary. We are supposed to be a loving and all-inclusive community. I asked my other group mate who was white and I would say one of the brightest in the class. He also did not get an A. So I just hope that this is a case of the "first paper scare," where preceptors would give low grades to encourage students to write better and aim for excellence in their writing. However, there is that sense that the preceptor may be power playing us. You always get the feeling that this doctoral students want to assert their superiority over us masteral students. But since my preceptor is a graduating doctoral student and is not even in divinity school, I can always give my preceptor the benefit of a doubt. Besides, my preceptor is one of the most promising student in my "preceptors" field of interest. Although my preceptor's critic in my paper was excellent, I could always argue that I could have received a higher grade. Ha! Who says seminary is not stressful?

Second Year

2007-09-17T21:30:00.001-07:00

I am on my second year in seminary. I am still alone and away from my family. What does it take for me to follow God's will? Do I really need to suffer this much? No one knows in the secular world how difficult it is for seminarians to be away from home to study. They think going to seminary is just like going to school. It needs sacrifice. It may mean you have to cut worktime and yet spend more. It may mean you have to quit a job and shift carrers. It may mean to be away from your family. For me, I have to suffer all three. And I am in my second year of such experiences. Only God knows my suferring. And God keeps me and sustains me.